Please, No More Monday, March 5, 2007 : 12:00 AM By: Chris

Watching the Resident Evil: Extinction trailer really reminded me how disappointed I am over how the franchise (one of my top 3 game series) has been treated cinematically. Ultimately, I think most of the blame falls on one Mr. Paul W.S. Anderson, who wrote and directed the first movie and penned the two sequels. Maybe an analogy would help illustrate how I feel about the making of the Resident Evil films. Imagine that you really, really like cats. You think they're great animals that are fun to play with and compelling to watch go about their feline ways. One day you hear they're making a feature film all about, you guessed it, cats. You're excited and happy that you'll finally get to see the exciting lives that cats lead played out on the silver screen. But then you find out the movie is being directed by a dog. "This doesn't sound right", you think. You realize that dogs probably don't know much about the true lives of cats. Moreover, many dogs actively hate cats. When the movie finally comes out it puts your worst nightmares to shame. Not only does the movie inaccurately portray the essence of cats, but all the cats are played by moose in the film - yet the movie still tries to pass them off as genuine cats! You want to vomit. Why couldn't they just have put real cats on the screen? Everyone would have been fine with that. Instead, they had to mess it all up with moose and other ridiculous innaccuracies. You hope that one day you'll see real cats in the theater, but no, the movie rights to all cats have been used on this moose movie. These cats have suffered the same cinematic fate as the Resident Evil franchise. Check back later this week when I dip my ladle into my bubbling vat of ire and dish out specific reasons why I feel these movies are awful.